5 Ways to Connect with Your Partner After Kids

By: Natalie Jarrett, MSN, IBCLC

Although we don’t always talk about it, for almost everyone, having kids changes your relationship with your partner. Maybe you are not connecting anymore, maybe all your time together focuses only on the kids, maybe you are snappier at each other, or maybe you can’t stop calling each other ‘mom’ and ‘dad’ even when the kids aren’t around. Whatever your situation may be, it's often different than it used to be. So if you’re hoping to channel the way things used to be and spend a little time connecting, just the two of you, I hope this article will help. 

So how can you connect? Here are 5 simple ideas that may help you. These may not all fit you and your partner’s personalities, but hopefully one or two will help you feel more connected to each other. 

Hold Hands 

One simple thing you can do to try to reignite that spark of connection is to hold hands for a little bit. So after the kids go to bed, turn on your favorite show or cue up a movie and spend some time together with a little bit of physical touch. Hold hands or snuggle up together on the couch and just enjoy each other’s company. 

Trade Massages 

Another way you can deepen your connection this Valentine’s Day is by giving each other back or foot massages. This is an additional way you can add some physical touch back to your relationship as well as release some built up tension to help you both relax and hopefully connect a little bit more. 

Play a Game 

Playing a board game or card game together after the kids go to sleep is another great way to connect. Put on some of your favorite music in the background and put your phones away and fully focus on some dedicated time together without the kids. You can play a simple, short game a few times or play a longer, more complicated game if you’re up for it. Relish the adult time together doing an adult activity that you may not get to do that often anymore. 

Talk about something other than your kids

This one can be hard, but try to keep the kids out of your conversation. Spend time talking about other interests you have or try a conversation starter such as “What is the most interesting thing you’ve read lately?”, “Where do you want to travel to next and why?” or “If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?”

Order in Food 

It can be hard to go out to eat with kids, so this Valentine’s Day try ordering in from your favorite restaurant or cooking something in advance at home so there’s less work on the day of and fewer dishes to clean up too. This also gives the cook of the house a little break so that they can enjoy the special day too. 

Remember, you don’t have to do these things on Valentine’s Day itself to get the relational benefit. Any time you can set aside to do one or two of these ideas can help boost your connection. If some of these things help, try to build them into your monthly routine so that you and your partner can benefit from some much needed connection time.

Natalie Jarrett, MSN, IBCLC is the lactation consultant Milestones Pediatric & Maternal Nutrition in Cary, NC. Natalie specializes in empowering lactating parents during their breastfeeding journey, while helping to minimize any breastfeeding difficulties. Schedule an appointment today.

Last medically reviewed on February 7, 2023